Burnt to a crisp or bloody as hell?

Poor girl. A waitress was reduced to tears the other night because of an unruly customer having temperature issues with her steak (apparently it was underdone when it came out, then overcooked after she sent it back, or something like that). What really sent the waitress fleeing to bathroom, however, was when the fed-up woman hissed at her, "It's because of you that I'm eating cold pizza tonight."

I probably would've fared better with that table, as I happen to love cold pizza (an enthusiastic "Ooh! Can I come over?" would've been a fun reply). I do feel bad for the waitress, but she really needs to let confrontations like that roll off her back if she wants to keep her sanity at this place (our restaurant's clientele send food back like it's a bodily function). When I was a line cook at my previous job, an old man told me that I ruined his Fourth of July. Feh.

Another lovely conversation

I preferred the deaf woman. The following is yet another transcription of yet another customer dispute that occurred the other day. This, unlike the last one I posted, was verbal and relatively quick, but no less irritating. Brief setup: I'm the only front-of-house employee in the restaurant when a young woman enters. She looks at the menu for about two seconds before deciding on our special omelet of the day (containing tomato, squash, scallions, ham, and cheddar), but without the ham. Well-acquainted with our restaurant's policies, I know there's no way in hell the kitchen will modify a special like that, so we proceed to squabble. Did I mention the woman had her sunglasses on the entire time, despite being indoors? According to Larry David, that means she's either blind or an asshole. I'm opting for the latter.

-----

Customer (after I politely deny her request to remove the ham): "Well, what, is it pre-made or something?"

Me: "No, it's not pre-made, I'm afraid we just don't modify anything that's on our written specials board. If you'd like, you can always create your own omelet from the regular menu."

Customer: "I'm a vegetarian - you're telling me I can't have that omelet made without meat?!"

Me: "That particular omelet, no, but again, you can easily create a vegetarian omelet from our regular menu. Also, we have a variety of really delicious vegetarian egg dishes up there, like our southwest burrito, truffle egg toast, and strata. The strata's an Italian-based, deep-dish egg..."

Customer (cutting me off): "I know what strata is! I don't why you're being so difficult, the other gentleman who's behind the register lets me do this. I've done it all the time."

Me (caught off-guard by her complete lie, a look of bewilderment slips through my polite mask): "Um, we never modify our specials. I've worked here for three years and we've never done that."

Customer: "The other man does it for me."

Me: "No, he doesn't. Now I'm sorry, ma'am - I don't make the rules, but I do have to enforce them."

Customer: "There! That's just it - you said 'rules'. You shouldn't say that, because I'm the customer, and now you're just insulting me."

Me: "Insulting you?"

Customer: "Yes!"

-----

And with that, the woman storms out as the two diners sitting at the bar burst into laughter. They witnessed the whole thing, sympathized with me, and we proceeded to have a good yuk about it. It's reassuring to know that at least some of our customers aren't insane.

Worst restaurant name EVER.

And I thought that title belonged to "Revolt" (from Top Chef: Las Vegas). Well, it's the Voltaggio brothers' lucky day, for there's a new winner in town (pretty close to my job, actually): The new restaurant/bar called "The Sinking Ship".

Seriously? "The Sinking Ship"? Are they trying to draw attention to the strong possibility they'll go belly-up in a couple years? Then again, maybe wearing this on their sleeve is a brilliant strategy, as it works both ways - stealing the thunder from snarky deriders ("Hello, we already know we suck..."), while being ironic if the place is actually a success. Best of luck, I suppose, but seriously - that name's terrible.

In other news: My new bistro, "The Failed Concept", is opening this week, so drop on by. It's right around the corner, across the street from "Bankruptcy BBQ" and "Closed Indefinitely Dry-cleaning".

"People fighting without speaking..."

The following is a rough transcription of a 10 to 15 minute argument I had with a customer at my job the other morning. No, I didn't jot these notes down after the fight - they indeed are the fight. See, this customer was deaf, so following my usual protocol in these scenarios, I used a nearby scrap of paper and pen to communicate and complete the transaction (little did I know what I was getting myself into this time).



As you can see, the woman orders a breakfast sandwich on an everything bagel, but made with only two eggs instead of the three we normally use. Now, as an experienced veteran of this particular restaurant, I'm painfully aware of which requests the head chef will accommodate or shoot down (spewing fire and brimstone at the poor server who dares to waste precious seconds of her life with such stupid and pointless inquiries). Unfortunately for my morning, this request falls under the latter. I try to reason with the customer, writing that although it must be three eggs total, the sandwich is cut in half, so she could share with her friend, save some for later, not eat the whole thing, and so on. All my counterpoints are repeatedly met with an angry grunt and finger thrust down on her originally written order. Several minutes have passed at this point and I'm getting nervous, as I simply can not afford to spend large chunks of time dealing with any one customer (I'm the only employee up front for the majority of the morning, leaving me solely responsible for all ordering/running/busing/barista duties, and so on). Desperate, I resort to putting my foot down (using that "must" you see up there), but still trying to keep things as light as possible by saying that "she'll love it!". I'll let you decipher and dissect the rest of the argument, but just know that in the end, I was victorious. Despite the customer being hell-bent on getting her "2 w/cheese and bacon", I finally got her to order the breakfast sandwich the way it's normally prepared, and in the end, she stayed for a while and seemed to leave happy. Only left over a couple bites, too.

P.S. Please be aware that my job is to enforce the rules set by the head chef/owners. I have nothing to do with making them, and truly did everything in my power to make this customer happy without sacrificing my own neck. Sadly, these moral dilemmas where employees find themselves torn between good/evil and right/wrong aren't exactly rare.

Eggy in a Basket!

Just call me V!
First off, special thanks to Josh Eckert for helping me with the bitchin' new header you currently see at the top of your screen. As I'm slightly challenged when it comes to graphics, photoshop, and so on (something I'm trying to work on), his ideas and talent were a tremendous help. Be sure to check him and his work out on the above link while you're here - you'll thank me later. Much appreciated, my friend!

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Those of you who have seen the film V for Vendetta probably remember the scene where V makes Natalie Portman breakfast. His dish is later referred to as "Eggy in a Basket", but this popular breakfast item is also known as simply "Egg in a Basket", "Egg in a Frame", "Toad in a Hole", "One Eyed Toast" and other names. Seeing how delicious it looked in the movie got me in the mood to attempt one of my own - after all, it seemed simple enough. How hard could it be? Not very, it turns out, but there are a couple things to keep in mind when making it, so I'll give you a brief rundown of the steps:

1. Take a slice of bread and cut a whole in the middle. Some websites say to use a cookie cutter or shotglass, which is good advice, as the hole with my first attempt (cut with a regular butter knife) was way too small and ended up being dwarfed by the egg I cracked inside. And before you say anything, yes, I'm aware of how dirty that last part just sounded - let's try and stay mature, people (then again, maybe I'm just the sick one).

2. Butter both sides of the bread. I recommend using a bread that's thicker than normal and has some yield to it, as the regular, thin white bread I used was especially flimsy when attempting to butter it (the hole in the middle didn't help, either - perhaps I should've cut it out afterward). After practically hacking the bread to pieces and coming face-to-face with my stupidity (apparently I can't butter bread), I concluded that this problem could be avoided a few different ways: Again, use a thicker bread, toast the bread first (I myself don't own a toaster/toaster oven, but I do have a Foreman Grill and regular oven - jank, I know), soften the butter beforehand (it can be a little on the hard side just after leaving the fridge), or butter the pan/skillet, rather than the bread itself (but then you run into an issue when flipping, as one side will have used most of it up - that's your call, I suppose). Wow, I can't believe I just typed that much for such a simple step - perhaps I'm overthinking it a bit, no? Let me rephrase: Step two - butter the bread.

3. Melt some butter on your low-heat skillet (eh, even if you chose to butter the bread already, go for it - you can never use too much) and then place the bread down. Give it a few moments before...

4. ...taking an egg and cracking it into the middle of the hole.


Adding salt and/or pepper is optional here (I opted for it, as you can see). Wait until the egg begins to set before...

5. ...flipping it. Keep doing so until the egg's cooked the way you want (not very long for runny/over easy, a little longer if you want it more firm, and so on).



You're done! That's basically it, really, although I read a recipe that mentions "as a slight variation, you can put a slice of your favorite cheese and/or a deli thin slice of ham about a minute before it's done cooking. Do not flip once you've put the cheese on." Personally, I just prefer the simple method - when it's finished, you can essentially pick it up and eat it like a sandwich with minimal mess, save for a few crumbs. Don't sweat it if you botch the first couple attempts like I did (although it's safe to say you'll probably fare a little better) - you can just scramble it into a buttery, bready, eggy mess and chow down. No, it's not gonna win any awards for presentation or anything, but you'll get the flavor all the same. Good luck, and for inspiration, here's a couple more pics for the road, as well as one of Natalie. Now, if I could only get her to come to my apartment...

Top Chef DC - Recent Thoughts

SPOILERS BEWARE - DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU HAVE SEEN UP THROUGH THE RESTAURANT WARS EPISODE!!!
Whew, its been a while. What has happened since I last checked in? Let's see - Kenny going home for Restaurant Wars: I really don't see where all the shock/hatred is coming from (just read Tom's blog - people are absolutely furious). I mean, he was serving as the executive chef (a risky position, by even his own admission) on the losing team, and put up not one, but two bad dishes (one of the them even described as a "horror show" by the guest judge)! What did people expect? I had a feeling it was gonna be him going home pretty early into the episode, and as the challenge unfolded, it seemed more and more likely - again, not sure why viewers were caught so off guard. I mean, I can see Kenny and the blue team's frustration with his exile/their loss - the other team being an unorganized mess in the kitchen, Angelo freaking out, Alex being a dick to the waitstaff and barely making a personal dish, etc. However, I agree with what Gail said at judges' table - they're not interested in the behind-the-scenes drama of what the kitchen was like or who was rude to who, or whatever. All they base their judgment on is the food that's placed in front of them, and that's how it should be. With that protocol in mind, Kenny was the obvious choice, and even though Alex is undeniably a weaker chef (he has been on the bottom for almost every challenge, with even the one exception being suspect because of the whole pea puree incident), discussion of sending him home instead seemed moot. He was on the winning team, therefore, he's safe. Simple as that. And while it's frustrating to see Kenny leave while so many inferior chefs remain in the competition (Alex and Amanda spring to mind - probably Kelly and Kevin, too), I respect the judges' decision to base their elimination choice on the events of that day alone. Often it seems like they let the clearly superior chef get a pass or two in the interest of seeing the best and most deserving competitors make it to the end, and this was an exception where they proved me wrong. It was clearly Kenny's time to go, and any other decision would have rang false.

And let me go on record when saying that he has a serious shot at fan favorite - have thought so for weeks, so it's not just because of this Restaurant Wars episode. Why? A few reasons - people respond to his talent without the arrogance (which is why Angelo has zero shot), leadership skills (calm demeanor when running a smooth team, as opposed to being a dick), as well as the various struggles he has had to endure over the course of his life (battled cancer, first wife died in a car accident, etc). These combined with his supposed "premature" exit from the show seals it - people feel he got a raw deal, and rewarding him fan favorite (and the $10,000 that goes with it) would serve as a kind of compensation. I'm convinced it's either gonna be him or maybe Tiffany, as she's proven herself as not only talented, but modest, as well (the public definitely responds to a chef not just being great, but constantly unsure of themselves at the same time - think Stephanie from the Chicago season). Her positivity and enthusiasm aren't hurting her chances, either. That being said, it's kind of slim pickings when it comes to that award - none of these chefs' personalities are really leaping off the screen. But again, if I had to say now, it's Kenny or Tiffany. You heard it here first.

Hard to say who the final three will be - I'm gonna say Ed and Angelo are the best chefs right now (would have included Kenny to complete that trio, but obviously can't anymore). Maybe Kevin has a shot?

The judges' remarks about Kelly's front-of-house service were such back-handed compliments. If someone said that I had a "clumsy charisma", I wouldn't thank them in return.

About time that Stephen went home - I don't think he put up one good dish the entire season. You could tell that Tom was completely disgusted by his lack of skill (he couldn't even cook the rice properly...). Also, what was with the chimichurri for his Brazilian dish? Even I knew that it's an Argentinian sauce - just being from South America isn't the same, dude...

Little bummed that the recent seasons' Restaurant Wars episodes haven't had as much to do with the space/setup. To me, that was always part of the fun - not just the food, but also the decor, atmosphere, etc. Using the limited time/budget to actually set up a mock-restaurant, or at least the concept of one - not just execute a menu. How was this really "Restaurant Wars" and not any old regular challenge? It was basically just two teams against each other, each chef preparing a course, and one person acting as front-of-house. Again, not enough "restaurant" specific guidelines/curveballs.

EVOO, btw, is an awful name. We actually abbreviate "extra virgin olive oil" like that on the specials menu at my job, but never in a million years would I think that would work for the actual name of a place. Why is it so hard for the chefs to come up with good ones - remember Revolt from last season?

Also, meant to say this earlier, but Kenny's not completely off the hook when it comes to arrogance (although it's not as bad as Angelo, I admit). A fun Top Chef drinking game could be taking a shot anytime he refers to himself as a "beast", "preppin' weapon", "alpha male" or (insert corny descriptor here). You'd be plastered before seeing the outcome of the episode.

Biting The Big Apple - Part Two

Day Two: The next morning, fresh from sleeping in, James, Anand (his roommate), and I headed for Agua Dulce - a Latin influenced place that immediately sold me on its brunch menu. Meeting up with Daniel and Joyce on the way, we were quickly seated without any kind of wait for a table.

Torn between the Agua Dulce Benedicto (their version of eggs benedict - soft braised pork, lightly poached egg, fresh jalapeno cornbread with a chili lime hollandaise) and the Torreja de Media Noche (their version of french toast - Latin style french toast, thin sliced ham, swiss cheese, topped with a fried egg), I opted for the latter, which looked a little something like this:


Can't really see the ham and swiss in the above photo, but trust me, it was there. Pretty rich stuff, but boy was it good. When I got a forkful of all the components (after taking it for a syrup dunk, of course), I knew I had made the right decision. Almost finished the whole thing, but was ultimately hindered by the trio of guacamoles Anand (who's vegetarian) forced us to order and eat beforehand.


I remember one tasting fairly traditional, one a little tangy, and the other with a spicy kick - all were good, though (liked it more than I thought I would). Washed it all down with some cranberry juice (the perfect drink to cut through all the richness and balance things out) before heading back out into the blazing heat. Here are a couple more pictures from the meal, specifically that spin on eggs benedict I mentioned before, which I believe James and Joyce each ordered:



Later that day, after a lengthy discussion on where to go for dinner, we settled on Niko's Mediterranean Grill and Bistro, a proven winner which we had all dined at before (with the possible exception of Joyce). Although primarily a Greek restaurant, I knew their brick oven pizza would satisfy my craving for Italian. We started things off with gorgonzola garlic bread that's served in a "vat of cheese", as my sister Julia affectionately refers to it (she has eaten there before, too). A standard whenever eating at Niko's, we gobbled it up fairly quickly, barely leaving enough time for me to snap a photo (note the nearly empty bowl on the top-left). We also ordered a grilled octopus appetizer, which was a slam dunk, as well. Don't let the notion of eating octopus throw you too much if you encounter it - trust me, you'll be glad you took the plunge in the end. It was like that for me with calamari - I was unjustly wary for the longest time, and now I'm crazy about it.



For the entrees, we had a lot of variety: I ordered a whole pizza for myself (very thin-sliced, though - doubt I would've been able to handle anything but) with sausage and shrimp on top, among other things. Never had shrimp on pizza before, but the option was there, so I figured I'd make an adventure out of it. Daniel got some pasta dish I can't quite remember, Joyce got a jumbo shrimp kabob, and James got a lobster tail special which sold out shortly after we ordered.




Don't let my glum expression of that last candid fool you - everything was delicious. The shrimp weren't super incorporated into the pizza/sauce (they served as more of a garnish for the top), but I was still happy with the addition. We all gorged ourselves silly over good conversation, including a debate on whether one should eat meat if they're truly unable to stomach the sight of how the animals are treated prior to being shipped to restaurants and served. Anand didn't join us this time around, so there were no vegetarians at the table - it was just an interesting discussion. I probably ate the most at this meal than any other on the trip, so I was pretty proud of myself - even had room to go in on some tiramisu with everyone, much to my surprise.



Shot glasses of wine (dessert wine, I believe) were brought out with the check, which was a very nice touch and the perfect capper to an already-stellar meal. All in all, it was a great day for my taste buds, leaving only one more before my return home.

Next up: The third and final day!

Biting The Big Apple

Went to New York this past weekend and, as is always the case, much of the trip was centered around eating/restaurants (wouldn't have it any other way). Had a nice variety of some really good dishes, so I thought I'd give you a picture-filled recap of my recent dining adventure:

Day One: Arrived at the airport with some time to kill before departure, so I decided to hit the food court prior to going through security. Forgoing my usual airport tradition of scarfing down a McGriddle, I instead opted for a calzone from Giorgio's (not sure if they're connected to this Giorgio's - a fantastic New York-style pizzeria that I'm a big fan of). Made sense, as I'm usually there with family or friends, which almost always necessitates going in on a whole pizza, leaving the mouthwatering calzones for another visit - this was the perfect opportunity.



Got the stromboli kind with hot cheese on the side (instead of tomato sauce - a wise decision, although I was initially unsure). Absolutely delicious, and I was glad the calzone had lived up to my grand expectations (hadn't had one for years, but remembered them being pretty damn good). Glad I saved the McGriddle for another time.

First restaurant in New York was originally going to be The Spotted Pig - a gastropub in the West Village, famous for having one of the best burgers in the city. It also has a reputation for being incredibly difficult to get a table, but we figured we had a shot if we got there before 7:00 (also, the city's not as crowded in the summer, upping our chances even more). Alas, our party of six guaranteed a wait around the tune of two hours, which, in the 90 degree-plus weather we were having, simply wasn't an option. We then set our sights on RUB (Righteous Urban BBQ), which was just a short walk away. My brothers who reside in NYC claim it to be the best BBQ in the city, although upon hearing this claim, a friend of mine said it's more likely that honor belongs to a place in a different borough (not sure if my brothers are referring to just Manhattan or all of New York when they say "city"). In any case, RUB seemed like a solid plan B, so we made our way there after a brief stop at Magnolia Bakery for some post-dinner cupcakes. The players for this meal consisted of myself, my friend Troy, brothers James and Daniel, as well as their respective girlfriends, Diane and Joyce. Some candid shots of the group:






The food was good, if a little heavy - but hey, it's BBQ. Appetizers consisted of hushpuppies (which I've never had outside of Long John Silver's - for shame), thick-cut bacon bits, onion rings snagged from Joyce's plate, and something else which escapes my memory - all fantastic. I had an excellent pulled pork sandwich as my entree, but in retrospect, perhaps I just should have had the pulled pork by itself with maybe another meat on the side (I think the bread of the sandwich filled me up quicker than I would have liked, and at BBQ, it's all about the meat).



The traveling with a hefty backpack, intensive walking, 90 degree weather, hefty BBQ meal, and dehydration (I downed several cokes, but little to no water) resulted in me leaving RUB a bloated, tired, and hot mess, but a great time was had by all and it served as a fitting celebratory feast to kick off my visit.

Next: Day Two!

Taco Tuesday

Did Taco Tuesday (all-you-can-eat tacos for $7) at Don Pablo's with my friend Smiley this past week. Forgot my camera, as usual (sigh, I gotta start remembering, this is getting ridiculous), so you'll have to use your imagination.

Pretty simple fare: you get as many tacos as you want, but they serve you three at a time. You get your choice between beef or chicken, each with a soft or hard shell. Simple as that. I start things off with three beef - two being hard, one being soft. I gulp 'em down, but actually feel pretty defeated when I finish this initial plate. Man vs. Food, I'm not - am I really this weak?

I blame a couple factors: One, I attacked my two side dishes the tacos came with (something I forgot to mention - I chose Mexican rice and seasoned fries) right off the bat. This certainly didn't contribute to my taco count. And two, this dinner was literally the only thing I had eaten that day, so I feel like my stomach wasn't properly "stretched" enough. Maybe I should have had a cookie or two in the afternoon to prepare for the event.

I ordered my second plate of tacos, but did so knowing I wasn't gonna finish (with the exception of breakfast items, I'm a fiend for restaurant leftovers). Ordered chicken this time around, but only for variety's sake (for the record, beef trumps chicken in almost every circumstance, but especially when it comes to tacos). My final count wound up being around four tacos, if I'm being generous (3.5 is probably more accurate). Smiley fared much better, I think downing six tacos total. He said he was content after a few, but continued just for the hell of it. I agree, might as well milk the "all-you-can-eat" gimmick as much as you can. Just don't make yourself sick.

So although I got my money's worth (with a coke, my total bill was just over $10 - not too shabby), at the end of the day, I'm disappointed in myself. Be warned, Taco Tuesday: This ain't over...

Brunch quotes:

...from this past weekend. The co-owner/expediter as he tosses an improperly-made salad back to the link cook:

"Can we fix this? It looks like hell on Earth."

A co-worker (who, along with myself, serves as the restaurant's resident music snob) on The Association's "Windy", which I had put on a mix that plays throughout the dining room during service:

"This song makes me want to kill someone."

Strange nights...

The dinner services at the restaurant where I work have really picked up in terms of business lately - I think we're officially past that point of "maybe we'll be busy, maybe not" and can start expecting a mob of hungry customers whenever we open our doors. Then again, maybe it's just because the summer/alfresco dining season is at its peak - things tend to take a natural dip once the weather cools down, so we'll see (it's my experience that business usually nosedives around January through March). In any case, with the already-hectic services kicked up a couple notches, the place is lively with activity - and where there's activity, there are stories. To be honest, no singular event over the past couple services is worthy of its own blog post, but I feel compelled to share several small instances that occurred:

Night one: The restaurant's two computer terminals (used for transmitting orders to the kitchen, completing payment transactions, and so on) had been on the fritz all week when running customers' credit cards, requiring the staff to bust out an old-school device whenever someone didn't pay in cash. I've only seen it in movies, but it's the machine where you have to lay down the card under a credit paper slip and physically slide the handle over it, resulting in a loud "clack-clack" that echoes through the dining room, informing everyone of yet another failure from our schizophrenic computer system. Anyway, the antique's heavy use from earlier had depleted all but a handful of the credit slips required to complete payments. So, despite notifying the owner/manager of the shortage days before, the servers found themselves up shit creek when the system went caput at the height of the dinner rush - myself included. With no credit slips, we were unsure if we would even be able to start the slower and more confusing process of entering payments/tips the old-fashioned way. Without getting too into the details of the long-term consequences, I should say that unless credit information is properly authorized and accepted, tables in the computer can not be "closed out", therefore steadily reducing our options for transmitting orders/information to the kitchen. When you consider each server has their own section, table numbers, and code to access them, it becomes an organizational nightmare. Not to mention our customers can't leave if we still have their credit cards. You get the idea.

I think the other waitstaff got it worse than me, but I did wind up running around with a table's credit card in my pocket for 20-30 minutes before finally presenting them with their check to sign. An inexcusable amount of time, I admit, but I had no other option than to wait for one of the owners (who was expediting the food) to reboot the computer system (which failed) and dig through his office in a last-ditch attempt to obtain more credit slips. Fortunately, the aforementioned table was a five-top who actually enjoyed each other's company (not always the case with diners, especially couples), and they barely seemed to notice the wait. Even stayed a good 15-20 minutes after the fact, so at least I felt that my fumbling and bumbling hadn't single-handedly kept them from going home. Could have been a lot worse, had my people not been so cool - I'm grateful for the luck.

Moving on: At one point in the night, I pass by the owner (the one who had been expediting) as he chews out a waitress at the server's station and overhear him saying that we're "kicking the head chef when she's down". In other words, he's pissed that the food orders were not more evenly distributed amongst the various cooks, resulting in one chef having to do the bulk of the work and pick up most of the tickets. A little difficult when said chef insists on having nearly 60% of the menu on her station. I slink away quickly, as I had just punched in a miso salmon and miso-glazed chilean seabass for my deuce outside - both items that same chef's responsibility, as well. Unfortunately, however, the waiters can't hide behind a curtain of anonymity when it comes to the food orders - the tickets that print out in the kitchen have the server's name right at the top, so when each member of a six-top I had the week before ordered the exact same kind of soup (a definite no-no, in the eyes of the kitchen) before their salads-as-entrees, you better believe I heard about it.

Later in the night, right as I set down a customer's beer in front of him, a mammoth insect (that I'm sure had flown in from the outside - our patio seating means the doors are constantly swinging open) swooped down and into the head at the top of the glass. It immediately twitched and drowned in the foam as I stood there, frozen in disgust/horror. My eyes quickly darted to the customer, who fortunately had been engaged in conversation with the diners next to him. Before he could notice, I scooped the glass right back up and did a complete 180 back to the server's station, where I corrected the problem. Even though it wasn't my fault or anything, I hope no one else at the table saw what happened (or wondered why I immediately ran off with the beer I had just delivered).

Ugh, I should also say that, while I usually like taking care of the outside tables (you get to somewhat enjoy the nice weather, rather than stay cooped up indoors, watching everyone else bask in the sunshine) the humidity this week has made things absolutely unbearable. Zipping around all evening makes you work up a sweat in the first place (even in the air-conditioned dining room), so when you need to go outside to handle customers, it feels like you're in some sort of sauna or rainforest - especially when wearing two layers of clothing. I contemplated ditching the undershirt before realizing that with just the dress shirt sticking to my skin, unsightly sweat stains would assuredly take center stage, killing any appetites in their path. Would you want to see your waiter looking like he just got hit with a bucket of water as he sets your food down? Neither would I.

More coming soon - stay tuned for part two!

Top Chef DC - Episodes 2 and 3: Outside The Lunchbox/Capitol Grill

Since I didn't give episode two its own official post, I thought I'd combine it with my thoughts on the most recent one. Its been a little while since I saw them (especially the second), so I'll deliver my comments via bullet point:

- The "two chefs/one apron" quickfire was absurd, but entertaining. Angelo winning again has definitely made him the chef to beat. Not saying he's gonna take the whole thing, but you can see him striking fear into the hearts of the other chefs.

- At first, I thought all the instant talk of "strategy" when Angelo picked Kenny was silly and unwarranted. I just figure he wanted his team to win, and knew Kenny was a good chef (despite them being each other's competition). But yeah, his celery/peanut butter dish was pretty weak. That combined with his "I can't answer that" and "I don't like Kenny" comments are leading me to believe that, while not completely rolling over and throwing the challenge, he didn't try nearly as hard as he normally would have. If so, I think that's a pretty sneaky/backwards way of getting rid of your competition. If you're really better than Kenny, beat his ass head to head with straight-up cooking. And what reason does he have to "not like Kenny", anyway? Granted, I'm not with them in the house/kitchen, but how long had they been there when filming that second episode? A couple days? Sounds like he's just intimidated by someone who's on par in the skill department.

- And while I'm not officially on "Team Kenny", it would have been a shame for someone with his talent to be sent home so early in the competition, especially if it was largely due to the aforementioned backwards "strategy". I thought that was gonna be the case for a second, because at judge's table, everyone seemed to lash out at him specifically, seemingly in an attempt to send him packing (Kenny's expression showed how surprised he was by it, as well). Glad he stood up for himself when being chastised by the other team, calling out their two-pounds-of-sugar pudding, for example. Hilarious!

- Speaking of judge's table, how entertaining was that? Very surprised by how quickly everyone started slamming one another, all frantically scrambling to save themselves from elimination. Vicious! This early on (before the chefs really know each other or their personalities), I'm used to them just standing up for their own dishes - defending, explaining, or whatever. Here, they immediately started attacking each other, and it made for some fantastic entertainment.

- I, too, was baffled by Amanda's choice of using sherry (and therefore, alcohol) in the children/school challenge. When it first came up, that immediately set off an alarm in my head, but I gave Amanda, the food, and the show the benefit of the doubt - "Well, maybe that's in more cooking than we realize, maybe it's essential to the dish she wants to make, which is appropriate, etc..." But yeah, turns out I was right. What was she thinking? And Gail totally clowned her with the vodka remark, making the other judges crack up in the process. This came right after Amanda started hissing to the other team about how many calories are in peanut butter, how it wasn't appropriate, and so on. I was thinking the whole time, "Excuse me, who are you to be saying aaaaanything???" So glad she got called out. It's a shame, too, because a lot of their budget went towards that sherry (instead of the chocolate or whatever), ruining the chances of the Jacqueline's pudding in the process. Not only should she have been more assertive and fought for her dish, but it's stunning that the whole team let that sherry/alcohol error fly. Seemed like an obvious mistake to me, right from the get-go.

- Tracey's "shameful" confession that she and her kids sometimes eat fast food once a week made my eyes widen in embarrassment (not for her, but for myself - I eat fast food a few to many times a week). And she sweats doing it once, which would be a major step up for me. Yikes.

- Good to see Kenny finally win something (third episode's quickfire). You know that just coming up short so many times was driving him crazy, and after the second episode's elimination challenge, immunity must be a giant relief. By the way, what's with all the chefs shitting their pants at the prospect of baking a pie and BBQing? As far as Top Chefs are concerned, all this should be pretty basic, despite everyone's fear of pastries in general. Tom Colicchio points this out pretty well on his blog post of this week's episode, which you can read here.

- A little surprised that Arnold took home the win (he seemed somewhat shocked, too), as he didn't even seem to know how to light a grill properly. I'm trying to decide if this is this a testament to his ingrained talent, or did he simply fall backwards into victory? Not too many others did particularly well (despite everyone loving each other's food), so maybe this was a case of a B-minus dish taking the game simply because everyone else did so much worse. Hard to tell.

- Don't see Timothy (who seemed on the verge of tears at judge's table) lasting too much longer. Making too many rookie mistakes over the course of these three episodes.

- Where's Eric Ripert? Missed him these past couple episodes. It was funny seeing Tom, Padma, and Gail having to eat and judge in the school cafeteria, but there's no way someone of Eric Ripert's stature would be seen rubbing shoulders with those little squirts. Get outta here.

That's all that comes to mind for now. As always, really looking forward to tomorrow's episode!

Guest article: "Culinary Disappointments" by Julia Smith

Julia Smith here, guest blogger currently living in the “foodie” paradise of New Orleans. Well, it’s a culinary paradise for most, anyway: fresh gulf seafood (as long as the oil is kept at bay), andouille sausage, crawfish etouffeé, shrimp and catfish po’ boys, alligator on a stick… whatever combination of spices and sea creatures you can imagine, it’s been concocted in Cajun/Creole cooking. Tourists come to this city for the cuisine and I spend all my time attempting to avoid it: I’m a vegetarian (meaning I eat no animals of any kind) and I think I picked the worst place to live while maintaining this lifestyle. Nevertheless, I’m sticking to my guns… which means I mostly cook at home and (yes, I’ll admit it) eat a lot of Taco Bell. But I enjoy eating out as much as the next person and I love trying new restaurants. However, sometimes my attempt to expand my restaurant rolodex backfires and results in a day filled with culinary disappointments—a day like today.

It all started when I arranged to have lunch with friends at a local Indian restaurant, Nirvana. I fasted all morning in preparation for a delicious Indian buffet with plenty of vegetarian options and endless naan. And really, when you’re that hungry, what’s better than an Indian buffet? Anyway, we all arrived at the restaurant only to discover they’re closed on Mondays (I really must remember to check hours online before I make plans… also, why is everything in NOLA closed on Mondays?). We ended up driving down the street to the Magazine St. Po’ Boy and Sandwich Shop where I indulged in a grilled cheese po’ boy with fries and a Coke float. It was not worth the $12+ I paid for it… could have made the grilled cheese at home; the fries were bland; Coke float was in a Styrofoam cup. Lame.

By evening, I still hadn’t shaken off my indignation at overpaying for mediocre-at-best food. I figured the perfect remedy would be to make my own delectable delight at home. I decided to try a recipe from the famous Julie/Julia Project blog (posted by Julie, saying it was her mom’s recipe) that I had been eyeing for some time—cheese biscuits.

The recipe calls for a cup of butter—that’s two sticks, for all you non-bakers… and it’s a lot of butter. That’s usually a good thing in a recipe. Another great part of the recipe is the 8 oz. of cheese. It also calls for two cups of rice krispies. Weird, but I decided not to question it and just go with the recipe. The only other stand-out ingredient is the cayenne pepper, but I love spice so I thought nothing of it before I made the biscuits. Read the recipe. They sound scrumptious, don’t they?


They are not. In fact, they tasted so strange I hardly wanted more than a few bites. And it’s really too bad because the recipe makes about two dozen biscuits.

First, they did not rise or get fluffy. They remained flat, like cookies. That’s fine, except don’t call it a biscuit if isn’t one… this is not England. When I bit into one at first, it tasted good: buttery, soft, flaky. But then the rice krispies hit you and they do not make the texture more interesting; they make you wonder why the hell you thought it was a good idea to put breakfast cereal in bread dough. The worst part was probably the cayenne pepper. It comes as a very strong and unwelcome aftertaste and this is coming from someone who eats the spiciest of curries. This may be the first recipe I’ve made that I truly disliked. And now I have 24 crunchy, spicy biscuits and no one in my household will eat them… we can’t even feed them to the dog because of the cayenne. My solution? I’ll bring them to work tomorrow and leave them in the lunch room… abandon all hope, ye who decide to try one of my biscuits.


I was so let down by the nasty biscuits and so distraught over the loss of two sticks of butter and 8 oz. of cheese that I made chocolate chip cookies out of cake mix afterwards, a fail-safe recipe. But I’ll save that one for another day of lost culinary experiences in the life of a vegetarian in New Orleans.

- Julia Smith

Top Chef DC - Episode 1: What's Your Constituency?

At last, a brand new season of Top Chef has arrived to keep television lively this summer (perfect timing too, as my beloved Real World/Road Rules Challenge - which also airs on Wednesday nights - just wrapped up). Top Chef Masters was fun enough for the time being (eh, better than no Top Chef at all, I suppose), but it doesn't have anything on the regular series, and if this first episode is any indication, then we're in for quite the season...

Initial thoughts: There are so many chefs at the starting point, it's difficult to pick out who has the skills, who doesn't, who I like, don't like, and so on. If I had to say, though, the obvious picks would be Kenny and Angelo. I like both of them, and each definitely seems to have the abilities to go far in the game. Especially Kenny, what with his domination of that mise-en-place quickfire (well, except for taking the actual win, but you know what I mean). Being the first to finish each segment on the very first challenge was a great way to strike fear into the hearts of the other chefs, really let them know who they're fucking with in this competition - he's like that dude you always hated in college who finished his bluebook essay exam before you got through writing your name. How sweet would it have been if he actually won??? Props to Angelo, though - winning that and the elimination challenge definitely makes him stand out to not only the judges, but the other chefs, as well. I don't get this buzz I'm hearing about his ego - he seems confident, sure, but not arrogant in any asshole-kind of way (unlike Mike Isabella, from last season). Who knows, though - too early in the competition to really know the deal.

I had a feeling John was gonna be the one going home pretty early into the episode, don't ask me why. Maybe because he chose to do a dessert, or maybe just because the dude was too much of a freak to be around for long (nice enough guy, but come on - he was a martian). This feeling was cemented when it was revealed that he used store-bought pastry dough, rather than making it himself. It's Top Chef SEVEN dude, what are you thinking? Have you ever seen the show before? There's no real excuse for that, and he should have known how frowned upon that decision would be.

Some the other chefs: Pulling for Alex a little bit - not just because he's Russian (represent), but he seems to really know what he's doing, at least judging from this episode (skillfully deconstructing the borsch, and so on). Thought Tracey's remark about Stephen being from Cleveland (and therefore, not knowing how to cook) was pretty nasty and out of line. It's like, as long as we're being judgmental, how about you lose 100 pounds? Maybe if she wins Top Chef, she can put the $125,000 towards a treadmill. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt on that one (with editing and everything, who knows the context of how it really came out), but still - it came off as pretty rude and unnecessary, making it extra hilarious when Tom said that her shrimp were "as bland as can be". Rooting for Lynne, as well - mostly because of what she said about being a great chef, despite not having any crazy tattoos/hair, and so on (that caricature of the hip, deeply-disturbed-yet-skilled "chef" can be retired anytime - the fact that people don't care what cliches they are by doing that shit astounds me). Oh, and I think I speak for everyone when saying that it's great to have Eric Ripert judging the proceedings this time around, as opposed to Toby Young, whose contrived quips will undoubtedly be remembered as one of the low points in the series.

I thought the elimination challenge itself was pretty good, too (make a dish that represents where you're from, and so on), and it got me thinking about what I would do if I were in the chefs' shoes (of course, pretending that I had a shred of their culinary abilities). Um, something with corn?

Welcome to Live and Let Dine!

Welcome, everyone! I'm quite pleased to finally be posting the initial entry for Live and Let Dine - a food-centric blog which will detail a variety of topics in the culinary world, ranging from my own personal cooking misadventures to different restaurants I come across (not to mention thoughts on the current season of Top Chef - June 16th, baby!). My overall hope is that the nature and diversity of these posts will be entertaining to readers who see food as more than mere sustenance, as well as therapeutic for those currently entrenched the culinary lifestyle.

Alongside film and music, food is one my greatest passions and, having worked almost exclusively in the restaurant industry for the past ten years (both in front and back of house), I have amassed a great deal of not only food-related experience, but anecdotes, as well. The colorful scenarios and characters (whether the chefs themselves, co-workers, or strange and unruly customers) I've encountered in this business provide no shortage of amusing stories, the best of which I plan to share with you readers. Fear not - I don't plan on using this blog solely as a means to complain about my job (I currently work full time at a local, independent, chef-run restaurant - one of the busiest in town). Don't get me wrong - I'm sure it will provide me with an excuse to vent here and there, but the primary goal remains the same, regardless of the entry's content and tone: To provide foodies (eh, if you care for that label - I guess it applies here) with something they'll get a kick out of and fellow restaurant workhorses with something fun they can relate to. Enjoy!